Should I cornhole?

Roamless Hudson: Last weekend, I was at a drinking establishment on the northwest end of town with a group of three friends. While I was seated at the bar enjoying an ice-cold beverage, one friend excitedly ran in from the outdoor patio and exclaimed, “They have cornhole here!” He insisted that the four of us head out to the patio and play the game. My instinct was to decline, partly because I was comfortable at the bar, and partly because I’ve never actually played cornhole and wasn’t inclined to start. I’ve seen hundreds of people playing the game on sidewalks from Dayton to Athens, but I’ve always managed to avoid playing. Anyway, by the time we went out to the patio, another group had already taken over the cornhole playing area. My question for your, Fresh, is should I just get over my reluctance and join the mass of rabid cornholers that seems to be growing exponentially?


Bone Fresh: Roamless. While I would normally take you to task for your reluctance to try new things, in this instance your hesitancy to try something you were not already familiar with worked to your decided advantage. The fact that cornhole has spread across the state and country with a speed comparable only to an invasive species, such as say, the emerald ash borer, speaks to one terrible fact. People are stupid. What was once a derogatory slang name for a sexual activity is now something that people loudly and eagerly proclaim their willingness to do in public. If only it had stayed in the bedroom.

wusspie: Sounds like somebody doesn’t know how to have a good time. What’s the problem with some good old fashioned, shirtless fun with bean bags, beer and inclined planes?

Bone Fresh: You’re right, somebody doesn’t know how to have fun, or, make that somebodies, i.e. the people playing cornhole. It’s basically a simplified version of horseshoes…for people who can’t process the oh so complicated rules of THAT game. People play cornhole for one simple reason: they’re unable to entertain themselves and make even the smallest of small talk.

The logistics of the game are simply not suitable to conversation, at least not with anyone you’d actually want to talk to. You stand on the utterly opposite end from your partner, ostensibly the person you’d most like to converse with. Instead, you’re forced to interact with some random stranger, who, given the fact that he is playing cornhole, is probably someone you’d never want to talk to in the first place. The distance between each hole (or as the case actually is, between each pair of dill-holes) is so great that it effectively isolates everyone playing from whatever socialization is going on around them. Which, in the end works out better for everyone else at the party.

And while it’s a game engaged in almost exclusively while drinking, it is most certainly not a drinking game. It’s just a lame activity used to pass the time. But hey, you can play it if you want. You're not the best conversationalist anyway.